10.13.2008
Dependent
What makes a person dependent? Over the past few weeks I have spent a lot of time contemplating dependency. As I see it in others - as I see it in myself. I come back to this issue ever few years, it seems. Starting a new 'job' I notice that quite frequently my fellow AmeriCorps and I are wary to make a decision for ourselves. Should we really nail this in? Is it exactly right or close enough? Most of the decisions would not be world ending if they were wrong nor irreversible. Building a house is, when you get down to it, just not rocket science. At what point in time does a person begin to make their own choices and at what points do we cease to be able to function alone. When and why do we become completely dependant on someone else telling us our choice is correct. Why were we at one time able to write in personal journals desperately hoping no one ever found and read them and now our value is found in how many people read our completely public personal blogs. (Guilty myself, I'm counting ya'll) I recall one point in my life when I really struggled with this. My life was so consumed with school, theatre and work obligations that I was completely happy to be dependent upon my significant other at the time to plan my social life. I'm confident I could have created my own social system if need be (and have at times we weren't dating) but at the time, I was perfectly content with letting him. Is it because I knew I was capable myself and made an active choice to depend on him? Is there a good dependency? I like the definition of independent, I believe in most things that is how I'd like to be.
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2 comments:
I really love reading your blog. I've decided it's because I really love you. I think you are neat and I like you a lot.
I think that there is a messy (hard to find) but healthy tension between being dependent and independent. I will ponder it some more, but I think that it's completely possible (and perhaps best)to be both at the same time. But, like you said, I think the unhealthiness comes when the dependence is not intentional. We have to make a choice to depend on someone else. Sometimes it's healthy to allow that. But, dependence without any independence is more like co-dependence, which is never good.
Neat you are, and insightful too. The link to the definition of independent stopped me in my tracks: I'd certainly like to be independent, but am I? It'd be better if I didn't have any doubts. I do. Guess I'd better remedy that pretty quickly. As long as my wife says it's OK...
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