pete and repeat were on a boat...

I've been loosely listening to the NPR reports on the Sotomayor inquisition, I mean interviews. Today I heard a thematic conversation develop over the day, that Sotomayor is being asked a certain pool of questions several times. Not having heard any of the sessions I don't know how closely related the questions are, but it was noted on several of the shows by hosts and commentators.

While in graduate school I often complained about the repetition of questions during class lectures. For example, one person would ask a question (often on something covered in the readings, thus showing they had not read and prepared for the session), the prof would answer. Then the question would be asked again, answered and often a third time. Rarely word for word, but enough that I became extremely disgruntled with professors for entertaining such unpreparedness and lack of attention. Thus, I took as many of my courses, especially general requirements at affiliate schools.

So, why are educated people repeating themselves? Are we living so deeply in a world where it is commonly known that something must be repeated seven times in at least three forms (written, spoken, sung?..I don't really know) that even the highly educated are lacking in basic comprehension skills? Have the scores of reading comprehension tests taken a cliff dive? Do we repeat our questions in hope of a different answer, because we didn't understand the first time, or because we didn't hear (registered sound, but didn't process content)?

MIA

I graduated almost a week ago. Since then I toured the Winchester Mystery house, ate at In n Out several times, went to Indian Rock, packed, ate at Fisherman's Wharf, drove up the coast, walked through a Redwood Grove, went wine tasting, hit the beach, toured Alcatraz, went to the horse races, hugged a lot of friends and moved to Texas. Tomorrow I have a job interview in Dallas and if that goes well will begin looking for a new place to live. Thus, I have been MIA online.

the mark of a friend

I now bear a mark of my dear friend, Abigail King Kaiser, for the rest of my life. She designed and gifted it to me today. She stood by me today, through a lot over the last two years and I have no doubt more than we can imagine in the future. This process has started me thinking a lot about commitment and about friendship. I'm not a big one for commitment, as the post office if no one else can tell you w/my fifteen+ addresses in the course of my 27 years. I don't always move far, sometimes within a mile. But, change is something I'm pretty good at. But, alas I've reached a point in life when commitments no longer come in 1, 2 or 4 year blocks. In many ways I couldn't be more excited. I have found some truly amazing forms to work within and develop a career. So, today I made a permanent commitment. An amazing work of art to mark a special friend, a special time of life and 2 images that are sacred to me-the dancer and the seahorse. I have been blessed with some really amazing people in my life and a lot of them in the years here in Berkeley. People that are heading down a similar road as me, personally and professionally. People that will understand when I'm not all about a mushy good-bye, but enjoying our time together now and looking forward to when our journeys join up again. Thanks for being on my journey.

The Art of Finals

I went to get a newspaper this morning because I received an email that I was on the second page today. Weird. I feel divided about this article, because the event was to be about the high school youth and I really would prefer that they have gotten the recognition and their pictures in the paper. We've been going to Berkeley Tech High School once a week for about two months. Talking to students and creating a project to do together. It was decided to have a memorial for their friends/family that have died by acts of violence. We decided that for our portion (as grad students) to paint five chairs each to commemorate contemporary Saints and Prophets. My dear friend and classmate, Abby, blogged about the event with images of her chairs too. Go to Facebook for more pictures.

The full article in the Oakland Tribune can be found here.

The other chairs I created are:

Frida Kahlo:

Cesar Chavez:

Oscar Romero:

Youth Violence:

and as seen in the newspaper, Matthew Shepard:

bad news for sale

Ummm...I'm not really sure what to do with this one. Apparently CNN gets a bad rap for bad headline's so they decided to flaunt it and make it into a Tshirt. The shirt to the left says, "Man dials 911 with his toes." Then has the time stamp on the bottom right. This ties directly in with my class discussion in Theologies of the Body on how a cultural practice is thrown back in the face of one group or another (or both). Like the evolution of tattooing. So, will they now write headlines that make good tshirts, either defeating the purpose of exploiting their bad headlines by a blossoming of catchy phrases or are we in for another bad fashion trend of really dumb shirts?

It is not A nor B but the line in between

I learned again today that, particularly, those things, ideas, concepts that I think I have a broad and intentional perspective on are actually quite limited. More on that another time, may be. What I really want to talk about is that concept which was expanded for me today. Transitions. I'm big on transitions. Transitions in worship, in shows, in a day, in moving across the country.... I believe transitions make up a significant portion of our life, but are not given nearly the respect and attention they deserve. Thinking about it now, transition could be added to the list of things inevitable in life: waiting, death and transitions (i think that's suppose to be death and taxes, but I've moved on from there). Transitions in worship are my particular Achilles heal right now. Give me good transitions in a service and even if your message is on another planet, I'll go with you. Muck it all up and you've lost me. How do we open a service, move into a song, into prayer, out of prayer, connected six seemingly unrelated subjects like Oscar Romero, Earth Day, a text we wish were not in the Bible from Joshua, archeology... in one sermon? (That last example was done successively by a Prof. in Chapel today..kudos)
Alas, the bigger picture that makes me want to spew idiotic sounds like yellow cartoons..the life-cycle is one big transition!! Hello. Thank you InterPlay lecture/play! birth is a transition out of death, life is full of transitions that are obvious, death is a transition out of birth/life into ancestors, ancestors are our transition from death of 'life' to birth, birth is our transition out of death... I'm in love. Its an African tradition that my Christian tradition (as noted in class) fits so perfectly in. Thus, if I am so committed to transitions I really need to analyze how I'm taking on this transition between birth and death. Am I tracking or am I mucking it all up?

Modern Church Historical

Through my mom and a previous pastor's husband, this link found its way to me today. Especially for my friends who are not blessed with an amazing Christian history class as I am (being an MTS has advantages), here's a little review.

What flavor do you think it is?

$10,000 for a Child's Birthday Party

Story Highlights
Some parents pay $25,000 for children's birthday parties
Dad reportedly spent $25 million on daughter's bat mitzvah
Minnesota parents organize for simpler birthday celebrations
Frugal mom offers tips on throwing parties for $50

The image to the left is a cake. A $1500 cake for a 10 year old. I would like to say that I don't make judgements, but I do. May be it is something I should work on. I write lengthy essays and fill out long applications just to get $1500 in scholarship money to put towards the more than $40000 of debt just incurred in two years of graduate school. At the same time, I wouldn't mind being hired by any of the above families to design their parties, at least the decor for them. I would like them to hire me, so that in one night of work and a couple weeks of planning I can finance the majority of the rest of my year and be able to work at a much lower rate for non-profit social activism and faith groups. So, I guess I relinquish the right to judge some one's lifestyle by my need for these people to finance my lifestyle. I am in a quandary over it though.

Knowing the Stranger in Our Midst

I'm involved in my school's weekly Chapel planning committee because I'm in a rotation of three to design Sacred Space. In our meeting this week about this morning's chapel this image was a topic of great conversation. Today's chapel service was titled, "Knowing the Stranger in Our Midst" as part of a sermon series titled, "Texts we wish were not in the Bible." Today's text was Genesis 19:1-11, the call of the men of the town into Lot's house for the two travelers to be sent out so they can 'get to know them' one of the 6 clobber texts for GLBTIQ. Though we were bringing into awareness Us vs. Them (othering) of a variety of types, racial, gender, sexuality, religious, etc, the use of this image was challenged and ultimately scrapped. To be replaced by a photo of flowers, several purple and one red. I'd love you hear your reaction to this image. If you find it unsettling, why?
The text from the NRSV:
The Depravity of Sodom
19The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them, and bowed down with his face to the ground. 2He said, ‘Please, my lords, turn aside to your servant’s house and spend the night, and wash your feet; then you can rise early and go on your way.’ They said, ‘No; we will spend the night in the square.’ 3But he urged them strongly; so they turned aside to him and entered his house; and he made them a feast, and baked unleavened bread, and they ate. 4But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house; 5and they called to Lot, ‘Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, so that we may know them.’ 6Lot went out of the door to the men, shut the door after him, 7and said, ‘I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. 8Look, I have two daughters who have not known a man; let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please; only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.’ 9But they replied, ‘Stand back!’ And they said, ‘This fellow came here as an alien, and he would play the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them.’ Then they pressed hard against the man Lot, and came near the door to break it down. 10But the men inside reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them, and shut the door. 11And they struck with blindness the men who were at the door of the house, both small and great, so that they were unable to find the door. "

You might need to sit down for this..

Last night I watched part of American Idol by my own free will. I know, what is happening to the world!? This is precisely my question. I remained on the channel my television lit up with when I turned it on because of the subtitle: American Idol Gives Back. I have recently been fascinated by the extreme philanthropic nature of reality television, marked most notably by Oprah's Big Give. I even wrote in one of my class reflections a critique I have of this system in which the upper class employs the middle class to give to the lower class embodying and perpetuating the reliance of all other people on the upper class. In a more questioning sense: Are these shows a reflection of society's growing tendency toward charity or are we using charity to pull on the heartstrings of America to improve ratings and ultimately make money for corporations. By which are we actually helping anyone or just expanding the gap between the rich and the poor? I won't even begin to discuss the ethnic and gender issues I have with all of this.
Another moment of confusion with this particular episode (American Idol Gives Back, aired April 9) was the final moments. What I assume to be this season's remaining contestants filled the stage, all wearing white to sing a powerful version of Shout to the Lord. When did a show titled to embody the complete contradiction of Christianity (creating an idol out of someone other than God) become Christian? Out of all the songs demonstrating a philanthropic nature, why was this chosen? To be even more complicated when Ben Stiller runs out on an empty stage in an empty theatre (in what I again, not being completely up to date with current television, guess to be a parody to the Matt Damon and I believe its Jimmy Kimmel show never having time for him joke). Ben Stiller obviously curses several times, mocks Seacrist and leaves in a huff. How did this little fit help American Idol give back?
I guess my real questions are: What are we promoting in these shows? Who is really benefiting? What messages are being sent? Will television's need to seemingly randomly 'give back' end now that the writers have been back on the job long enough to start up our favorite non-reality shows again?

Where two or more are gathered

I did it again this weekend..I found moments of worship in galleries and theatres long before time for "church" rolled around on Sunday morning. Friday night I was honored to be a part of the Altared Bodies exhibit at InterPlayce. It was a great time of fellowship with my dearest of friends as well as artistic beauty and sacred encounters. Saturday was time spent compiling by personal prayer book spattered between an open rehearsal of Sweet Honey and the Rock/Mozart Ensemble/Oakland School for the Arts and An International Tribute to the SF Ballet that night (disregard what the critics say, the Ballet de Monte Carlo's Altro Canto was brilliant). As I tucked myself into bed on Saturday night I remembered a saying I often use that I may more often find moments of particular closeness w/God sitting in a theatre than in a sanctuary. I did, however, get myself up for church on Sunday to support my friend who took on the environment, theodicy and a laying on of hands for healing. If anyone wondered if this individual was cut out for ordained ministry or not, they should have been at church on Sunday, no frills, just powerful words. At the end of a week of insanity I was truly blessed and the funny thing of it all... in a week when I normally would have said, I don't have time, I did. I found time to nourish myself, worship in the ways that are meaningful and nurturing to me and the work got done as well.

Grateful

Since flying in at noon on Monday I have applied for several jobs and secured one interview, Walked to Emmaus (or at least decorated the Chapel and directed a dramatic reading), secured, moved and sanded several wooden desks, attended some classes and meetings, submitted my synthesis for review, memorialized MLK, designed and will tomorrow Altar Bodies, Saturday I will attend Sweet Honey and the Rock matinee, the SF Ballet at night, hear a friend preach sunday and by Tuesday write a paper and mostly finish my personal prayer book. This I believe would be what one may call a crazy week. But, I am finally doing exactly what I love (and some of the above were even paying gigs! yes, dad, actual money:)). It appears I am a working artist and still two months till graduation. I'm not paying the bills by any means, but the wheels are starting. So, finally may I take this moment when I just don't have the energy to look for a thought provoking article or muse on an interesting lecture to say thank you. Thank you to those who read this for loving and supporting me. Thank you to people who support the arts in paying us just like you'd have to pay the caterer or rent for the building.

time

I learned tonight how off my sense of time in small portions is. This is something that I have been working on in a leadership program I am currently involved in. I thought I was keeping time in my head with the remembered rhythm of this obnoxiously loud clock in my house, the tempo of which is lodged in my head. It seems, however, that I was counting time twice as slow. Thus, my concept of 30 seconds was a minute or more, 2 minutes was four and a half. I am grateful for the appeared patience of my class, for whom I was leading a meditation that turned out to be much longer than they bargained for. This is were my dilemma occurs. I am very sensitive to people's time in a class session. I do not appreciate classes that consistently run long. (tonight, the pivotal difference was we were given the opportunity to say no, I'm not able to stay late) In past courses I have left, repeatedly, when a professor was never able to organize class well enough to end on time. This was awkward, but in class and one on one discussions regarding time were to no avail. However, I recognize less frustration with the length of tonight's class because of my personal biased for the meditation we were experiencing.

Finding God in Seminary

During my discernment process to discover whether to go to seminary, where to go to seminary and what degree program (one leading to ordination or not) I was blessed to have a wonderful mentor walk with me. She once said to me, half the people in seminary will have come looking to find God. I was, and have continued to be, struck by this idea. I continue to be because it is true, but not in the ways I originally imagined. It wasn't that people didn't have God at all and came to find out what this whole religion thing is about. After blogging recently about a lack of theological or seminarian study related dialogue outside of the classroom, the last two days have been filled with such conversation. Conversation I knew I needed and still didn't realize how much. I've also found people really talking about God and Jesus, out loud. Those of you not in seminary reading this might find that to be an odd statement. But, I have been astounded and confounded at how little I here folks talk about either, in or outside of the classroom and I don't think its just because I tend more toward the 'academic' courses than the 'MDiv' (mostly people prepping to church pastors) courses. We (any person who has attended seminary) need to be really comfortable talking about faith, even if (and hopefully we don't) we don't have all the answers flushed out completely. The time is now, to work through our issues of speaking about God's sovereignty, did Jesus have to die, why, what's the deal with the trinity, how do we have interfaith dialogue, theodicy.... Now I feel like I'm wining, when really I'm abundantly grateful for the conversation that I have found and fully recognize that may be I didn't look hard enough before I started complaining.

where's the fire gone?

Tonight I ventured with friends to the theatre. Euripides's The Bacchae. I love to go to theatre with theatre people who know theatre and like to critique it as soon as we walk out the door. I love to be around folks who are excited about something and willing to talk about it, even to admit we didn't understand. I was in conversation with a med student this week who couldn't contain himself to not talk about medicine. He was quite interesting, so it didn't bother me, but reminded me how I wish there were more folk here that excited about theology. May be I'm in the wrong groups (or simply not around folks enough) but I find it difficult to find people so willing to talk without end about our studies here. I am also reminded when I speak to folks studying medicine how odd it is that doctors are responsible for our mortal lives on earth and thus go through extended schooling, where they are held accountable for all the information (reading is not optional or skimmed). Pastors are responsible for the eternal life and yet the requisites and accountability after ordination are slim if anything. Is it any wonder that folks are leaving the church, with the general public's level of education on the rise and seminarians seemingly becoming apathetic - and I go to a liberal "heady" sort of school - at least I think I do.

forgetting where i am

As I sat in the library (wishing it were warm enough to be reading outside) this afternoon, I was reminded how I forget or am just not fully appreciative of the resources and people around me. I am working on my synthesis, which will include reflections on various forms of worship creation, one of which may be the work of Eric Elnes. Rev. Dr. Eric Elnes is senior pastor of Scottsdale Congregational UCC (http://www.scucc.com/our_staff.cfm) The church has received significant attention for innovations in worship, many related to the arts. I discovered the Rev. Dr. Elnes had stayed across the hall from me over the weekend, though I knew he was connected to my fellow student and building-mate, it had not occurred to me that he might be physically accessible for dialogue. I've sat in silence over a meal with Rosemary Radford Ruether, too engaged in my eating to engage a great mind in dialogue. Tomorrow, I will have dinner with liberation theologian, George Baldwin followed by a class discussion with David Solnit. Solnit founded Art and Revolution, worked with organizing the protest against Taco Bell for fair worker's wages, the 2003 protest in San Francisco essentially shutting down the financial district, among a slew of other activist events in over 20 years around the world.
The list goes on and on of people making a huge difference, being recognized for it and being close enough for me to talk to, directly. I also find that there are actually people in the world doing similar work to me (integrating arts into social justice activism and faith communities) but why is it not till the fourth semester of graduate school studies that I am finding out about them? Did I not look hard enough? Was there somewhere that said, here's how to find people working in your obscure field, and I missed it? Or does the educational system (any of our systems/institutions for that matter) still cater so heavily to mainstream career paths, leaving those of us who don't fit into any of these paths to fumble blindly until we get lucky?
As for now I must prepare for tomorrow's dinner and class so that I cease to let opportunities pass me by.

Rules for life

In this same Lay Spiritual Praxis course of my last post we've been challenged to write a rule for our life, in light of reading the Rule of St. Benedict and briefly studying monastic practice. I have at the same time been recently confronted with a desire to create balance in my life, and an awareness that I will have to be intentional in that creation. In class, we have also been discussing what we know about this time in history and monastic life b/c of the rules that had to be created. I wonder what my rules say about my life? Here are some rules I am starting with from my knowings about myself.
I function better when I sleep from approx 2/3am-10/11am. So rule one is to honor that as much as possible.
My body wants to exercise, this semester I will do yoga on monday, dance on tuesday and run 3 of the remaining 5 days.
To intentionally divide my day to provide at least one hour (this will significantly expand post graduation) each day to just be social with no agenda.
To spend another hour each day just for me, reading (nonschool material), making art, soaking in sun, watching a movie.
To study and be outside as often as possible (no reading/eating in doors on a sunny day)

Mostly, I'm not a big rule person. These guidelines feel like a start, feel doable in a final semester of grad school attempt to find balance place in life. May be holding it here in public will keep me more accountable as well.

I'm not typically afraid of the dark

I recently read Parker Palmer's Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation as a requirement for my Lay Spiritual Praxis course. How fitting, that I just happen to be waiting for the voice of vocation to scream at me (I can be hard of hearing when it comes to life choices). Many cards, bookmarks and hope filled kitsch put forth the notion of a window/door opening in order to lead you to the next event in life. When one door closes, may another open..etc. Palmer has a chapter which has lingered with me called, When way closes. Rather than looking for the new way that is opening, Palmer suggests that way has closed and if we turn around we are standing in a room full of opportunity and simply need to look around. The door of seminary is quickly closing behind me (I even wonder if my writers block in my 10 hour effort yesterday to write my thesis is because of this sense of finality). I am desperately searching for a door or window to open. But, Palmer (and my mother in a conversation many weeks ago) has made me wonder if I am standing in the room. If this is true, I can't see a darn thing and I'd love for someone to at least let me know where the light switch is.

the movie of your life

I was asked recently who I would want to play me in the movie of my life. I was struck without an answer. Not simply because I don't forsee the need for that movie to ever be made, but because I really enjoy casting, yet can't come up with who I would want to represent me. As I was just reading an article on people.com I wonder if it is not so important as who plays me in the movie as to who replaces me in my work. This summer we (PSR and the greater Religion and Art Community) lost one of our greatest teachers, Doug Adams. The conversation since has been how do you replace such a man. At this point, he has not been replaced and the conversations are leading in the direction of it taking three people to fill the vacancy. People reports that it will take three actors (of extreme talent, Jude Law, Johnny Depp and Colin Farrell) to complete the role the late Heath Ledger holds in his unfinished film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Is it possible to find balance of the work and play of life while being so instrumental as to need three people to succeed you?

on a completely different note: http://www.nkotb.com/ check it out. enough said.

Reclaiming Cunt

I co-organized and directed a production of the Vagina Monologues this week. We also held a V-day chapel service, lecture on Responding Faithfully and Effectively to Domestic Violence and tonight we will celebrate with a What Would your Vagina Wear Party on campus. We performed the Vagina Monologues in our Chapel. I guess, when I really think about it, that is huge. If we're not bringing these issues to the forefront in church, then where are we talking about them? Apparently not on TV! This link leads to this morning's segment on the TODAY show of an interview w/ Jane Fonda and Eve Ensler (the playwright). Cunt has been bleeped out and apologized for (its original airing was live and not bleeped).

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/23165403#23165403

I trust the research of one of my actresses, Audrey deCoursey, who wrote the following in our campus paper this week,
"The word ‘vagina’ originates in the Latin word for ‘scabbard’ or ‘sheath’ (i.e. for a sword). It’s named not for its crucial function of birthing babies, not for its function as an ‘out hole’ for monthly blood, not for its potential to provide its bearer with sexual pleasure. No, it’s named for what it does for the penis.
‘Cunt,’ on the other hand, is a cognate with such happy words as ‘cunning,’ ‘kind,’ and ‘kin.’ It has resonance in the names of goddesses like Kunda and Cunina. According to Barbara G. Walker, it was a title of respect for wise women in pre-modern times. And, yes, it sounds a bit more empowering to have a ‘cunt’ on your body than a ‘vagina.’"

Is there any word for penis that would get bleeped on national TV? I don't have time to look now, I must go and celebrate cunt with my dear seminarian friends.