what's for dinner?

I am blessed with an abundance of folks who want to know what can we do to help. This has been a difficult question to answer. First I fight pride, in which I tell myself that I can do it all (and if I had to I could). Then I hit my personal endeavor to have balance in life, even in the times of chaos. But, what do I need help with? My employers have been gracious in giving me space to take care of Joe (and I already work from home a great deal, so that helps). My in-laws, in the midst of their own chaos, have been fantastic to us, as always. Even as I type this Joe's Dad continues to work on our bathroom renovation. Friends and family have visited and come over to stay with Joe when it has been necessary for me to leave the house for work or 1 quick run to the grocery store. Which brings us to food. When each day falls into line, the only thing I really don't feel like I've been able to keep up with is food. (I think the patient is trying to make up for the 5 days in the hospital when he ate a total of about 8 chicken nuggets and a breakfast sandwich) I had a good start the first couple of days home from the hospital. But, as the days went on and I've been working more along with taking care of Joe, the house and the bathroom -having diverse and nutritious food was starting to lack. I mentioned this to one of my wonderful congregants and asked if she might have recipes or suggestions for food that I could make easily and would freeze and reheat well. I did not get any recipes or suggestions. What we have gotten is food. 

   I have been in the church my entire life. I know that when crisis hits the people of the church make casseroles. My family did it growing up. I've done it. I've seen churches across the country do it. But, in all of that, I've never been on the receiving end. I have had no idea what a truly tremendous blessing this is. To know that I can go to the freezer and not just pull out a frozen pizza or a can of soup from the cabinet, but a ready to go home cooked meal. I nearly tear up just thinking and writing about it. My husband gets the nourishment he needs to heal, while I still have time for the many extra loads of wash (thanks to night sweats..gross), cleaning, work and who knew - a few extra moments each day to just spend time with each other.

   So, as difficult as it was to ask for help. I am so deeply grateful to everyone who has given to us. I pray that everyone has a community of friends, family, coworkers, congregants that steps up to help out in times of chaos. I hope that this reminds me, that even in the busiest of 'normal' it is always possible to just make a double portion of dinner and give it to someone in need. I challenge myself (and anyone reading) to look around and see if there is someone we can give to before they even ask...new parents, recent widow, sick parent, injured spouse, single parent, family moving, lost job...how the list goes on.  I think pride might be the vain of more folks than just me, but why have community if we can't help each other?

A different look at theft

I love that I have friends who think out of the box.

Dear Sir or Madam who stole my bicycle wheel -m4m- -m4w- (By Lake Merritt)

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Date: 2009-07-21, 2:25PM PDT

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Dear Sir or Madam who stole my bicycle wheel,
I have a proposal.

For several days after you stole my 27” rear wheel from my mountain bike, you caused me a dilemma. All I could think of were two options.
1) Buy a new rear wheel – This hardly seemed worthwhile because my bike only cost $25 from Goodwill when I got it and a new back wheel/tire will cost two to three times that much.
2) Buy a used wheel from the Ashby Flea market – We all know this is where stolen wheels go to find new homes. (In fact, I have searched here for my wheel to no avail.) While this option is cheap ($10), it would feel like I am benefiting from someone else’s misfortune. (Probably because I would be benefiting from someone else’s misfortune).

But then I had a brilliant idea.

Rather than buying a new wheel or a used wheel stolen from someone else, why don’t you sell me back my own wheel. I can pay you the $10 you would have made and then I can save the time and stress of finding a new wheel. If it makes a difference, I could even pay you in alcohol or whatever drug habit you were trying to feed.

We can even meet on the same corner where you took my wheel and make it feel all natural. You can walk by and say, “Hey buddy, I notice that your bike seems to be missing a rear wheel. Well, it just so happens I have an extra rear wheel right here with me. Would you like it?” And I can say, “You’re right, kind sir. I am missing a rear wheel. That is very nice of you. It just so happens that I have $10 worth of alcohol, that I was going to use drown my sorrow about not having a bicycle wheel. But now that I have a bicycle wheel, I don’t need it. Why don’t you take it.” And then we can both feel good about ourselves.

Please let me know if this works for you.

Sincerely
Josh

• Location: By Lake Merritt
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Growing UP?

When I was young I spent the summers with my grandparents in El Paso. My best friend for so many years lived a few blocks from them. We always joked that we couldn't take her mother to any movie because she cried at everything. We thought it was hilarious and couldn't imagine why all these movies that weren't even sad made her cry. I still don't know why. But, last night I found myself shedding tears in the first 15 minutes of a cartoon. Comforted only by the fact that my date was also crying. The story telling is absolutely amazing and we both cried at least two more times before all the credits rolled.

So, has the rest of me caught up to the grey hair? Is crying at the movies something that happens with age? Experience? lack of sleep? My same friend recently posted a beautiful blog on becoming grown up. When does this happen? 18? 21? graduation? marriage? job? birth? death? movies?

two little indians

sittin' under a tree. one of the highlights of my week in Iowa. One of my fellow house builders is of the Oneida tribe in Wisconsin. He invited me over to talk about the book for which the movie Smoke Signals is based on and listen to the music of a family member's drum circle cd. Sitting in the Iowa grass as the sunset we talked about heritage, spiritual rituals, family tradition, woe and just general solving the problems of the world conversation. Not growing up surrounded by native people or with any particularly native tradition or meals, I was reminded this week of a part of my heritage that for some reason I identify quite strongly with, but remain to know and experience very little of. This, on a new list, is something I shall look into more in the time to come.

Iowa has been filled with moments of surreal. Take now, 7:30pm and the sun is shining as if it were noon, but at 9am we were prepped for 90mph winds, the skies were green and

grey, big ol' rain drops and beautiful lighting streaked the sky. Another round rolled in around 5pm. In and out the rains and the sun have come all week. Reminds me of highschool when the sunbathers at CanyonRanch would ponder at how it was sunny and raining at the same time. Why are you closing the pool, the sun is out? They say in Texas if you don't like the

weather wait ten minutes. I'm not sure that is so unique to Texas. In Iowa they brings in round bails of corn stalks and spread them on the ground to keep from tracking mud.

Through this all 500 AmeriCorps raised walls, trusses, decked the roof, shingled and sided to near completion 20 houses this week. 20 people that didn't have houses a month ago will by fall. Cedar Rapids was devastated a year ago by what is called a 100 year flood. Waters 21' above flood level. The red tape of the water line just below roof lines is eerie. The whole scene is ominously liken to driving through parts of NewOrleans, even still. Houses are empty, still bearing the tags from rescue efforts. Signs reading, Rebuild Downtown line the streets. The first floor of any building remains largely empty. Cab drivers lament the gov't local and above on their lack of help, others applaud them. I don't know what it is like to live in a disaster zone (and hope I never do). These folks need our continued help. Cedar Rapids, New Orleans, Liberty...leave a comment with your disaster area town that needs help-all you folks that have the opportunity to coordinate mission trips-don't forget these places.

I am loved.

I just finished yet again a wonderful week of ROTC. They're all still sleeping, I hope. But, I had to leave upon completion of my ramp and showers last night. We spent the week mulling over the theme LoveStory. I thought it went brilliantly and against all my concerns and hesitation at least a portion of it all didn't fly over the heads of our JrHigh crowd as I thought it might. I only know this from my small sampling of dinner companions and work team, but each of them at least got something. Something clicked. Two more camps, I hope it keeps clicking, but am sad I won't be there to see it myself. 

The plainest emination of our theme for me came in my journey home last night. After a long long week of work and long weeks leading up to it, my team -BlueA- finished our 60' ramp around 10:30 thanks to the much appreciated help of many many other camp folks (WE THANK YOU!!) Then we showered, I loaded up the truck and at 11:15 headed to Dallas. I know folks were praying for me the whole way because it was any easy ride. Several called to check on me, some even stayed awake or were phones ready to be awake and talk me through the drive if need be. But no need be. It was one of the easiest drives I've had in a long time. I am loved. By a brother, family, friends as close as kin, 4 jr high and 1 sr high that have known me 5 days and worked their little buns off and still love me at the end of the week (I know b/c they said so). It is good to remember how much we're loved. The reminder just never gets old. If you're reading this..I Love you.

As I walk through the valley

***SPOILER ALERT***If you have not seen the season's end of Grey's Anatomy and want to without knowing what happens stop reading now***SPOILER ALERT***

In the midst of a very insane week, I managed to give myself two hours to watch the one show I seriously follow and have since it began, Grey's Anatomy. Through watching it with my roommate in Austin, to Friday afternoons with Abby, to large watching parties in the dorms and homes of PSR, to catching up on episodes online, to a little bit of me time with a glass of wine - I've watched the lives of these people of similar age progress through life. Just as my circles have moved and changed so have the lives of Seattle Grace. Folks have married, babies born, people moved, people died.
It is this last moment which has me pondering still today. I don't deal with death much. I've only lost one grandparent and I was not yet 6 then. I've lost one dear friend, but we were already separated by distance. I've lost a couple pets, namely Cricket and Duke. I've been to other funerals, but those are the four deaths that I can recall being closest to. My biggest fear is the death of someone close to me.
I was fully prepared for one of the deaths on last nights show (and that was still hard), but completely blind-sided by the other. I knew we knew John Doe, but I just couldn't figure it out. I kept running old characters through my brain and came up with nothing. Was I blinded by my want for O'Malley to change heart and stay on the show? Was the set-up that good? If he goes to the Army he can come back, if he dies that's it (no more Denny ghost type come-backs please) And what happens now? I've seen these people marry, divorce, mourn, pass exams, grow as individuals, marry, save lives and now die. I'm sure I'll get to process through these deaths with the characters that return in the fall, but what about my own experiences with them? {Artistic note to the director: nice picture made with the final scene. I will remember that last time I saw Izzy and George standing so handsomely at those elevator doors for a long time}
I realize that this is 'just a tv show' and I'm taking it very personally at this point, but I think it is worth looking at, especially for those of us who serve others. How affected are we by our television communities? I've spent my whole life witnessing families who know its not a good idea to tell mom/dad/sibling bad news after their team lost the game. Watched co-workers blog and go over and over the latest episode of LOST or Heroes. Listen to the hope ignited by a Susan Boyle or the rejection felt when our person gets voted out. We're involved in these lives. One statistic claims:
"According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube."
It would be very difficult to convince me that we're not involved and affected by something we devote at least 9 years of our cumulative life to. So, today I mourn. I mourn the loss, of not my favorite two characters, but still two people that have been a part of my life for at least one hour a week for 30 weeks of the year for 5 years. That is more then I've seen a lot of my dearest friends or most anyone reading this blog.

wisdom

I'm grateful for wonderful people in my life. This letter reminds me of those wonderful people as it brings back memories of a year ago and very eloquently confronts a controversy that I truly, even after my own involvement in Vagina Monologues productions, underestimate. Please read the letter and as we are in the midst of V-day season, support a local production. Support the women and men around you taking part in this amazing truth telling.

losing a playmate

*Update: shortly after posting this on Nov. 7, Suraja passed away. Thanks to everyone who is caring for her family, friends and those who only know her in spirit and have been praying.

Suraja was hit by a car and I'm told she is dying. She's the one on my left in the photo. I don't want to believe that and I will keep praying that she heals and gets to live out her playful life, spreading InterPlay to the world and mostly Mexico. I first heard the news on Tuesday night moments after my nerves of the election were lifted and joy settled in. What a moment of great joy and great sadness. Over the week the news of Suraja's accident has caused me to think about my relationships. I only new Suraja because we were in an ongoing InterPlay course together (Leadership 1, now Life Practices I think). I wonder about all the times I took for granted an opportunity to learn from Suraja. To listen to her stories about Mexico and how life is different here. How often are there people in my life that I know and care about but still don't give enough time to or the best of me to? Why do I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep in the office right now or continue to write this blog instead of socializing with the three other wonderful coworkers sitting around me? Each in our own little worlds. I mourn that I might never have a chance to play with Suraja again. I hope for a future in which I take more time to play with those around me while they're around.

peeps

some folks I know recently let me feed my shutterbug taking pics of them..thought I'd share some favorites...

First Days

I'm just home from my second 'day of work'. This included a few emails from home, dinner with the Praise Band leader and band practice. For two people I am making quite a difference in their lives, I will be taking over many tasks that they don't have the time nor need to be doing themselves. They could not be more excited for my arrival. For the rest, they understand that I am needed and are very welcoming but their lives are not changed much. For me, this is my new world. I am meeting my new social and professional circles. These are the new Abby, Brad, Cynthia, Jessica, Brian, Carrie, Kristi, Minna -s of my world. I believe it was somewhere in the midst of the fourth or fifth time through Los Lonely Boys' Heaven (yes, the praise band will play Los Lonely Boys in church on Sunday) that I had this revelation. My life changed significantly this week and with any luck these people will become some of the more significant in my life here in Dallas, but to each of them today was just another day. How often do we remember those first meetings? How often is someone else's life going through dramatic change right before us and we're just trucking on as normal?

the mark of a friend

I now bear a mark of my dear friend, Abigail King Kaiser, for the rest of my life. She designed and gifted it to me today. She stood by me today, through a lot over the last two years and I have no doubt more than we can imagine in the future. This process has started me thinking a lot about commitment and about friendship. I'm not a big one for commitment, as the post office if no one else can tell you w/my fifteen+ addresses in the course of my 27 years. I don't always move far, sometimes within a mile. But, change is something I'm pretty good at. But, alas I've reached a point in life when commitments no longer come in 1, 2 or 4 year blocks. In many ways I couldn't be more excited. I have found some truly amazing forms to work within and develop a career. So, today I made a permanent commitment. An amazing work of art to mark a special friend, a special time of life and 2 images that are sacred to me-the dancer and the seahorse. I have been blessed with some really amazing people in my life and a lot of them in the years here in Berkeley. People that are heading down a similar road as me, personally and professionally. People that will understand when I'm not all about a mushy good-bye, but enjoying our time together now and looking forward to when our journeys join up again. Thanks for being on my journey.

The road to fame

Oh the places a degree from TCU will take a person!